Not A Review


I  whispered from car to car, always in the shadows. I poked my head out from behind the tires just enough for my eyes to get a quick glance and then on to the next.


There was one human girl who was about to reach her car. She hadn’t seen me…yet..

Slowly, I stalked out from behind the blue car and crossed to the other side of the lot to a shiny red one. In so doing, I crossed her path. She saw me and I saw her face when it registered what was happening.

I’m sorry, I thought. And looked her straight in the eye. I knew the glint of my bright green eyes would send a shudder down her and in turn I arched my back, striking a pose before her.

She got in her car and I darted away, knowing that I would be on her mind all day.

I looked back as she drove off and wondered what the day held for her.

I hate when she drives me downtown. It’s great and all, this thing she has going. But it’s almost over and that is making her anxious. When she drives me downtown three times a week we end up circling the same three block by five block square sometimes for like 20 minutes, she creeps and dives and her breaking habits sometimes give me a headache but she is great at helping me into a parallel spot. We are really good at parallel parking. toot. toot. Sorry, that was my horn. Anyways, so today we were driving and driving and we finally found one on the very edge of the radius. Winning! She took my good pal Glamdring and off they went. It was a great spot. Right next to a hotel so there was great people watching. Nice and sunny too.

Whenever someone first pops my top, I usually let out a refreshing sigh and my insides get all bubbly and fizzy. Sometimes, however, I fizz up too much and some of me seeps out. Oops. I can’t help it…I just get so excited. When I was opened today, that’s exactly what happened. One of her coworkers was using the desktop to print and it overflowed on to the table, managing to hit some of the keyboard in the process. He handed me over and I sat patiently on the desk next to his Mac which she was using. Reaching across the table, she showed someone which of the delivery bags held the brownies. Upon sitting back down, her elbow tipped me over. I couldn’t stop myself or control where I fell. I couldn’t stop!

I saw it coming. It was like my history flashed before my screen. I might’ve blacked out for a second. As a human, she needs water. Me? I’m allergic as hell. It’s deadly. Keep that shit away from me. So, I had been watching as she slowly drank the first one and liked it so much she opened a second. The thing was full; she’d only taken one sip of it and as she sat back down I saw it happening. And then it happened. Right there on my keyboard. How would you like it if I tossed* (stay with me now it’s hypothetical) on you a cup of something that could KILL YOU INSTANTLY!!!! You wouldn’t like it now would you? She shrieked and he scooped me up upside down and patted down with tons of paper towels. Luckily, none of it seeped in between my buttons and I was okay. Don’t worry. No lives were lost.

Comprised of almost 20 books, we are going home with her in installments. She took us out of the dark boxes and now we are all going to have shelves of our own. We’ve been arranged heaviest to lightest and sit proudly by the window behind one of her bosses’ desk. As she reached for the topmost in the stack, she reached her fingers over as many of us at one time as she could. We went with her to be added to a bag. Half way out from behind the desk we began to shift in her hand. We were slipping. We weren’t going to make it to the table. We started to fall. We’ve fallen to the floor. Skattered. No longer a “we”.


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